The Link
He came to me and said: Whether the two are linked I cannot say. Maybe you can find out. Please listen, don’t interrupt me and let me start with the first. My wife like most women here has a mammogram every two years as recommended by doctors. Three weeks ago the doctors found some unidentified tissue and a week later She was sent to a hospital to take some tissue samples. We worried and waited another week. But then I thought: She is the milk of human kindness in its most purity, always putting other people’s interests before her own, always friendly and helpful. She is an angel. Such pristine, immaculate almost snowy little person can’t have malignant transformation, tissue turnover. Only impurity in breasts develops a liability to cancer. But my wife said: Don’t be silly it has nothing to do with character. Besides, there are better angels than me. When the day came I phoned during a break. She had already cried herself to sleep but woke up and told me.

He went on saying: well, I don’t know how I reacted but two hours later I was paralyzed and cursed nonstop. She of all doesn’t deserve this. Why not her self-centered colleague D who was supposed to develop breast cancer when the doctors had to take tissues samples some years ago? After all she was older. I thought maybe I am to blame for women who give birth to children and breastfeed them never get things like that. She wanted to have a baby but I didn’t. Well, if you ask me I would say women who do not want to have a baby don’t need breasts. Anyway I have noticed that modern women’s breasts are becoming smaller and smaller until one day like the appendix they have to be removed overnight. Finally women would overcome breast cancer when their breasts had been depreciated to a memo value.

Her eldest sister who had a more aggressive breast cancer gave her, her psychiatrist’s advice on the phone: Imagine an army of benign fighters ready to take on the evil. A few days later my wife was much quieter but I felt very low. She looked sadly at me and said “This is in my family. My mother, eldest sister, aunt, niece all were afflicted with cancer. I expected it.” "Tomorrow", he said "she will be admitted to the hospital and the operation is the day after tomorrow".

Without drawing a breath he continued but I stopped him and asked: What was the other thing you wanted to tell me? Oh, sorry I almost forgot. This evening I woke up from a terrible dream, he said. I was waiting somewhere for somebody to pick me up and take me in his car somewhere. It was getting dark when he arrived and I sat in the front seat. Suddenly he drove like a madman through the narrow winding road which was full of curbs or posts on both sides. I was sure he was going to drive us to death. But finally we stopped at a place which looked like a car park in the woods. I didn’t know why he stopped but then I saw my youngest brother get hurriedly out of his car and ran towards us. I opened the door to meet him and wondered what on earth brought him there . “Quick”, he said “come with me they say our mother is dead”.

I couldn’t believe what he said because I was with my mother a few hours ago. How could she be dead in no time? Please contradict yourself? I begged in despair. I closed my eyes with my two hands for a moment but when I opened them everything around me was as white as snow. Emptiness overcame every inch in my body. I woke up with a terrible headache but I felt much lighter.

Jamshid
Bremen, 25 March 2009